Friday, April 18, 2008

Kevin wishes these classes were real

Top 5 rejected class proposals

MED 451: Healthcare for the Overserved/Majority Communities
This course is designed to give graduate students in health sciences an introduction to the issues faced by overserved populations related to health and obtaining too much health care. Course will focus on proper treatment of ailments such as twisted ankles, tennis elbow, liposuction as well as breast augmentation. Students will be taught to overdiagnose ADD and dyslexia as well as overprescribing Ritalin and Prozac.

MED 454: Advanced Infectious Diseases. Pre-req: Infectious Diseases
This course prepares health profession students for work in an Infectious Disease specialty through first-hand experience. All registered students are infected with an infectious disease drawn at random. They have until the end of the quarter to identify the infectious agent and design a successful course of treatment.* Course is Pass/Fail. *No credit given posthumously.

MED 696: Medicine and future relationships
This course prepares physicians on leveraging their degrees in social situations for maximum benefit. Male students are taught subtle but useful tricks in a variety of situations to pick up unsuspecting ladies (and gentlemen if that's your style). Examples include casually saying "I'm sorry I can't do another shot, I have heart surgery tomorrow morning" at a bar and "I just love saving all those children" anywhere else. Women are taught to downplay their significantly above-average education as to not scare away insecure, but otherwise eligible males. Techniques include asking obvious questions you already know the answer to, twirling your hair and stressing your desire to practice only part-time. Final is a practical test of learned skills at the local college bar.

MED $$$: Advanced Selling Out. Sponsored by Pfizer (R)
This course prepares health profession students for work in private practice, specificially in surburbia. Curriculum will focus on the importance of prescribing commercial brand pharmaceuticals over the obviously inferior generics. Small group sections involve role-play situations in which students will learn to turn away the majority of medicare and medicaid patients and strictly adhere to a cash-only policy. However, students also learn the nuances of such a policy such as taking on flashy charity cases for publicity and dealing with medical errors through rapid and effective out-of-court settlements and non-disclosure agreements.

MED 000: Alternate career paths
This course prepares health profession students for work in fields other than medicine. Given the state of the healthcare system today, it is important to educate medical students on other career pathways that could make use of their skill set. The class will focus on three major alternative paths: 1. Medical TV show authenticity consultant, 2. Weightloss commercial spokesperson 3. Medical School professor.

3 comments:

frances said...

dude..have you not seen what happens in the most recent season of nip/tuck? totally a viable career option!

K said...

What career was that

Anonymous said...

Sadly, i could probably use med 696